Developing a regular meditation practice has been critical in helping me learn how to better metabolize chronic stress.
When I share that, one of the most common responses I hear is:
"I've tried to meditate, but it's not for me. My mind is too busy, it won't quiet down."
I 100% understand why people feel this way. Meditation can be deeply uncomfortable...at first. But it’s actually a myth that we need to quiet our minds to meditate.
How expectations get in the way
When starting out, we often sit to meditate with the expectation of creating an empty, peaceful mind.
But instead our minds yell at us:
You forgot to respond to that email
Why did you say THAT in the meeting earlier?!
You'll never find a partner, have children, or make enough money
And around and around the merry-go-round we go.
When we meditate, with no external distractions to occupy our mind, we're left alone with our thoughts😱. Terrifying, right?
We've been avoiding these thoughts by:
Stuffing them down with food🙋♀️
Distracting them with Instagram and Netflix📱📺😵💫
Drowning them in the glass(es)of wine we need to wind down at the end of the day🍷🍷
Overriding them with ambitious goals that convince us we'll be worthy when we make that money, get that promotion, or win the gold medal💸🥇
They all rise to the surface in meditation. This is overwhelming at best, down right scary at worst.
So, what do we do?
This is where we change the expectations we bring to meditation.
Instead of seeing meditation as another way to avoid our ourselves, we flip that unconscious habit on its head.
We experience meditation as a way to love and accept ourselves, just as we are moment to moment—scared, angry, frustrated, excited, joyful, embarrassed, hopeful, filled with grief. We make room for all of it, we feel the feelings, we acknowledge the needs, and we accept the thoughts.
And then we come back to our breath, to our spaciousness, over and over and over again
Meditation isn't about getting rid of our thoughts, needs, and feelings. It's about accepting them and returning home to the safety of our body and mind, and allowing ourselves to be human beings who love ourselves no matter what.
When thoughts come up, allow them to come up. Lovingly notice them, and then refocus on your breath, again, and again, and again.
If they're willing to pass though you, allow them to pass through. If they want to stick around, that's ok, just do your best to make space for them. Let them go when they're ready to move on.
You're still meditating, even if your mind is racing. You're still meditating if you practice for just one minute a day.
There is no such thing as "not doing it right." There is no failure.
Over time, when you sit with yourself, as uncomfortable as it may be, you'll start discovering a portal inside yourself. A door that leads to internal space and freedom, even if it's only for 1-2 seconds at a time.
Try it. Sit with yourself for 1, 5, or 10 minutes. Then do it again the next day, or the next.
When you do, instead of trying to make the ocean inside you stop moving, grab your surfboard and starting riding the waves.