I’ve used food as a medicator for as long as I can remember.
We all have our tools of “choice” for regulating our nervous systems in an increasingly overwhelming and stressful world. For some people it’s alcohol, for some it’s TikTok, for others it’s work. For me it’s always been food.
The problem is that while eating has brought me a lot of comfort when I needed it most, it’s also been a source of a great deal of pain, both emotional and physical.
Historically, when I eat, I do it quickly, almost desperately. Often that’s because I’m in a hurry, mindlessly shoveling down lunch in between meetings. But on many occasions I have nowhere else to be, yet I still end up in a dissociative state eating at warp speed. By the time I wake up, I feel uncomfortably stuffed and full of regret—overserved again.
I know I’m not the only one.
Whether it’s that 3rd glass of wine to wind down or “2 more minutes” that turns into an hour while scrolling, so many of us have these mini (or-not-so-mini) addictions. They degrade our sense of self and confound our willpower, yet we Just. Can’t. Stop.
But why? I used to think (shamefully) it was because I had no will power. Recently I’ve realized I was wrong.
It has nothing to do with willpower and everything to do with the state of my nervous system.
Like many, my nervous system gets stuck in fight or flight and I have trouble recovering from stress. This means I’m operating in a state of scarcity and fear for long periods of time, as I desperately search for a way to return home to a felt sense of safety in my body.
Eating activates the parasympathetic nervous system—the network of nerves that relaxes our bodies after periods of stress or danger.
So, it’s no wonder that when we’re struggling to metabolize stress, we can become dependent on eating as a crutch to feel a momentary sense of calm. When our worlds, both external and internal, become overwhelmingly stressful and we lack tools for regulation, food can start to feel addictive. Eating morphs from a way to slow down, nourish our bodies, and connect with others, to a substance we abuse to cope with stress.
So what can we do about it?
Recently, I took a 2 hour workshop that has started to transform my relationship with food and my body. I’m at the beginning of this journey but I am feeling a remarkable shift.
The key practice the workshop teaches is to use your breath to regulate your nervous system before and while eating.
If we pair body regulation with an abundance mentality, rather than a restrictive diet mentality, we take a body + mind approach to eating that helps us feel safe enough to slow down. In slowing down we can be more present as we eat and start to notice and respond to the signals our bodies send us—flavors, smells and textures of foods and sensations of hunger, satiety and fullness. When we feel the sensations in our bodies as we eat, rather than numbing out, we become more aware when we feel full and the pleasure of eating has waned.
Since taking the workshop over a week ago, I’ve paired short grounding exercises before eating with pausing to breathe periodically between bites, and letting go of the restriction that comes with the diet mindset.
This new habit has been transforming the way I experience eating. Before, I felt stuffed at the end of many meals. I struggled with mini-binges on sweets—not stopping until I felt uncomfortably full. But since beginning this practice, it’s been somewhat effortless to stop eating when I feel full. I’m starting to crave the calm more than I crave the sweets.
As I proactively regulate my nervous system while eating, I stop relying on food to do the regulation work for me, and I begin to establish a more peaceful relationship with food and my body.